Bible Character Study – Reuben, Son of Jacob

RCCG Word Aglow Parish, Digging Deep (Bible Study)

The Life Story of Reuben, Son of Jacob

Birth and Early Life

Reuben was the firstborn son of Jacob and Leah, making him the eldest of Jacob’s twelve sons, who would become the heads of the twelve tribes of Israel. His birth was significant because, as the firstborn, he was expected to inherit the birthright, leadership of the family, and a double portion of inheritance. His mother, Leah, named him Reuben, which means “Behold, a son!”, expressing her hope that Jacob would love her more after giving birth to his firstborn (Genesis 29:32).

However, Leah was the less-favored wife compared to Rachel, whom Jacob truly loved. This family dynamic created tension among Jacob’s children and contributed to the rivalries that later emerged.

 

Reuben and His Brothers

Growing up, Reuben had eleven brothers and one sister, Dinah. Jacob had children from four women—Leah, Rachel, Bilhah, and Zilpah—which led to competition and jealousy among the siblings. As the eldest son, Reuben should have been the natural leader among his brothers, but his actions showed that he struggled with decisiveness and self-control.

One of the most notable events involving Reuben was his role in the Joseph incident. Joseph, being Jacob’s favorite son, was hated by his brothers. They planned to kill him out of jealousy, but Reuben intervened:

“Let us not kill him. Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit that is in the wilderness, and lay no hand upon him.” – that he might rid him out of their hands, to deliver him to his father again.” (Genesis 37:21-22)

Reuben intended to rescue Joseph later and return him to Jacob. However, while he was away, the other brothers sold Joseph to Midianite traders. When Reuben returned and found Joseph missing, he was deeply distressed:

“The child is not; and I, whither shall I go?” (Genesis 37:30)

This event highlights Reuben’s good intentions but also his lack of strong leadership—he failed to prevent Joseph’s sale altogether.

 

 

Reuben’s Greatest Sin: His Affair with Bilhah

One of the biggest turning points in Reuben’s life was his sin with Bilhah, Jacob’s concubine and the mother of his half-brothers, Dan and Naphtali. The Bible records this act briefly but significantly:

“And it came to pass, when Israel dwelt in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father’s concubine: and Israel heard it.” (Genesis 35:22)

This act was a grave dishonor to his father. Sleeping with a father’s concubine in ancient culture was seen as an attempt to claim dominance over the father’s household. By doing this, Reuben not only disrespected Jacob but also positioned himself as a rival to his own father’s authority.

Although Jacob did not react immediately, he never forgot what Reuben had done. This sin had long-term consequences that Reuben could not escape.

 

Reuben’s Role During the Famine in Egypt

Years later, a famine struck the land, forcing Jacob to send his sons to Egypt to buy food. By this time, Joseph had risen to power as governor of Egypt, though his brothers did not recognize him.

When Joseph demanded that the brothers bring Benjamin to Egypt, Jacob refused, fearing he would lose another son. Reuben, trying to take responsibility, made a bold but reckless offer:

“Slay my two sons, if I bring him not to thee: deliver him into my hand, and I will bring him to thee again.” (Genesis 42:37)

This statement showed his desperate attempt to regain trust, but Jacob refused his offer. Later, it was Judah, not Reuben, who convinced Jacob to let Benjamin go. This moment was another missed opportunity for Reuben to prove himself as a leader among his brothers.

 

Jacob’s Final Words to Reuben

Before his death, Jacob gathered his sons to pronounce blessings and prophecies over them. When he addressed Reuben, instead of giving him a blessing, he cursed him for his past sins:

“Reuben, thou art my firstborn, my might, and the beginning of my strength, the excellency of dignity, and the excellency of power: Unstable as water, thou shalt not excel; because thou wentest up to thy father’s bed; then defiledst thou it: he went up to my couch.” (Genesis 49:3-4)

This statement sealed Reuben’s fate:

• He lost the birthright that should have been his as the firstborn.
• His unstable character disqualified him from leadership.
• The birthright was instead given to Joseph’s sons, Ephraim and Manasseh (1 Chronicles 5:1-2).

This was the final consequence of his sin with Bilhah and his overall instability throughout his life.

 

The Fate of Reuben’s Tribe

Despite his loss of status, Reuben’s descendants still became one of the twelve tribes of Israel. However, the Tribe of Reuben never achieved great prominence:

1. They settled east of the Jordan River (Numbers 32:1-5), choosing land that was separated from the rest of Israel.
2. They faded into obscurity, never producing a king, prophet, or significant leader in Israel’s history.
3. Eventually, they were among the first tribes to be conquered and taken into captivity. 1 Chronicles 5:25-26

 

Final Thoughts on Reuben’s Life

Reuben’s story is one of wasted potential. He was born into a position of honor but threw it away because of his lack of discipline. Though he had moments of compassion and responsibility, his instability prevented him from truly excelling.

His life serves as a powerful warning:

• A high position does not guarantee success—character matters more.
• One moment of sin can have long-term consequences.
• Instability and inconsistency prevent true greatness.

While Reuben’s descendants remained part of Israel, he never reclaimed his rightful place as the firstborn. His story teaches that great potential can be lost without strong character and self-discipline.

 

Reuben’s Personal Flaws

1. Impulsiveness: The incident with Bilhah screams poor impulse control. Sleeping with his father’s concubine wasn’t just a moral lapse—it was a reckless power move or emotional outburst that defied cultural norms and family honor. Jacob calls him “unstable as water” (Genesis 49:4), suggesting Reuben acted without foresight, letting emotions or desires override judgment. This impulsiveness likely cost him his birthright and his father’s trust.
2. Weak Leadership: As the eldest, Reuben should have been a stabilizing force among his brothers, but he often faltered. When they plotted to kill Joseph, he suggested the pit as a half-measure, planning to save him later (Genesis 37:21-22). But he didn’t stick around to see it through, and the brothers sold Joseph instead. His hesitation and inability to assert control suggest a lack of decisiveness or confidence—qualities critical for a firstborn meant to lead.
3. Misplaced Loyalty or Rebellion: The Bilhah affair could point to deeper issues—maybe resentment toward Jacob for favoring Rachel’s household, or a misguided attempt to assert dominance in a family where he felt overlooked. If he was trying to hurt or challenge his father, it backfired spectacularly, showing a failure to weigh long-term consequences against short-term impulses.

 

 

Parenting Flaws in Jacob and Leah

1. Favoritism and Emotional Neglect: Jacob’s blatant preference for Rachel over Leah, Reuben’s mother, created a fractured family environment. Leah was unloved, and she pinned her hopes on her sons—especially Reuben, her firstborn—to win Jacob’s affection (Genesis 29:32). This could have placed an unfair emotional burden on Reuben from a young age, making him feel responsible for his mother’s happiness rather than just being a kid. Meanwhile, Jacob’s focus on Rachel and her sons (Joseph and Benjamin) might have left Reuben sidelined, fostering resentment or insecurity as the eldest who wasn’t the favorite.
2. Lack of Strong Guidance: Jacob doesn’t come across as a particularly hands-on or authoritative father in Reuben’s key moments. When Reuben slept with Bilhah, there’s no immediate reaction from Jacob recorded—just a delayed curse years later on his deathbed (Genesis 49:3-4). This suggests Jacob might have been passive or inconsistent in disciplining his sons, letting tensions fester. The brothers’ later plot against Joseph also hints at a household where jealousy and rivalry went unchecked, possibly because Jacob didn’t model unity or enforce boundaries.
3. Toxic Family Dynamics: The polygamous setup—two wives and two concubines—bred competition and division. Reuben grew up watching his mother vie for love, his father play favorites, and his half-siblings jockey for position. This chaos could have warped his sense of loyalty and morality, leaving him without a clear example of how to navigate relationships or power responsibly.

 

How They Interplay

Reuben’s flaws and his parents’ shortcomings likely fed into each other. Jacob’s favoritism and apparent detachment might have left Reuben craving validation, pushing him to act out in extreme ways—like with Bilhah—to prove something, whether to himself, his mother, or his father. Leah’s dependence on her sons for emotional security could’ve amplified Reuben’s sense of duty but also his instability, as he lacked a balanced parental anchor. Without a strong father figure to model restraint or leadership, Reuben’s natural tendencies toward impulsiveness and indecision went unchecked, leading to choices that undermined his potential.

In a way, Reuben’s story feels like a classic case of a kid caught in a dysfunctional family, trying to find his place but stumbling badly along the way. His parents didn’t give him the tools to succeed as the firstborn, and he didn’t have the inner strength to rise above their failures. It is a messy, human mix of nurture and nature, with plenty of blame to go around.

 

Reuben’s story in Genesis offers timeless lessons for both parents and children, drawn from the interplay of family dynamics, personal choices, and their consequences. Here’s what we can take away as believers.

Lessons for Parents

1. Favoritism Breeds Division: Jacob’s preference for Rachel and her sons created a rift that fueled jealousy and dysfunction among his children. Parents should strive to love and value each child uniquely but equally, avoiding comparisons or obvious biases. When kids feel sidelined, it can sow resentment or push them to act out for attention—like Reuben might have with Bilhah.
2. Set Clear Boundaries and Consequences: Jacob’s delayed reaction to Reuben’s affair with Bilhah suggests a lack of immediate discipline or guidance. The same attitude played out when his daughter, Dinah was raped by Shechem. Jacob never said anything. Parents need to establish firm boundaries and address missteps promptly, not just to punish, but to teach accountability. Left unchecked, a child’s impulsive choices can spiral into lasting damage, as they did for Reuben’s birthright.
3. Model Stability and Unity: The chaos of Jacob’s household—rival wives, competing loyalties—left his kids navigating a fractured world. Parents should work to foster a cohesive family environment, showing through their own behavior how to handle conflict, respect others, and prioritize the collective good. Kids like Reuben often mirror the instability they grow up in.
4. Invest in Emotional Support: Leah leaned on Reuben to fill her emotional void, and Jacob seemed distant from his firstborn’s struggles. Parents should be attuned to their children’s emotional needs, offering guidance and presence rather than burdening them with adult problems or leaving them to figure it out alone.
5. Navigating Firstborn Parenting Challenges: Parents should recognize that their first child is often their first experience in parenting, making them more susceptible to mistakes in discipline and nurturing. It is crucial to strike a balance between over-pampering and excessive strictness. Overindulgence can lead to a lack of discipline and instability, while excessive harshness can create resentment or rebellion. Intentional and balanced parenting helps shape a child into a responsible and well-rounded individual.

Lessons for Children

1. Think Before You Act: Reuben’s fling with Bilhah was a spur-of-the-moment disaster that cost him everything. Kids (and adults) need to learn to pause and consider the long-term fallout of their choices, especially in heated moments. One rash decision can unravel years of potential.
2. Take Responsibility Seriously: As the eldest, Reuben had a chance to lead his brothers, but his half-hearted attempt to save Joseph showed a lack of follow-through. If you’re given a role—whether by birth or circumstance—step up fully, not just when it’s convenient. Leadership means owning the outcome, not just the intent.
3. Don’t Let Family Drama Define You: Reuben grew up in a messy household, but his biggest mistakes were his own. Children should recognize that while parents shape the environment, personal integrity and choices are theirs to control. Blaming a tough upbringing doesn’t excuse wrecking your own path.
4. Seek Redemption Through Action: Despite his flaws, Reuben tried to protect Joseph and later pledged his sons’ lives to bring Benjamin back safely. When you mess up, the way forward is through consistent, honorable effort—not wallowing in guilt or doubling down on bad behavior. Reuben’s story hints at a man who didn’t fully give up, even if he couldn’t undo his past.

 

For parents, Reuben’s life underscores the ripple effect of their actions—how neglect, favoritism, or inconsistency can leave kids floundering. For children, it’s a cautionary tale about owning your decisions, even when the deck feels stacked against you. Together, it’s a call to break cycles of dysfunction: parents by nurturing wisely, and kids by rising above their upbringing’s flaws. Reuben did not fully manage it, but his story leaves us plenty to learn from.

 

Was cursing Reuben the best idea?

While the bible does not explicitly judge Jacob’s actions as right or wrong, we can draw on scripture to explore why his curse might not have been the best approach. Here are some reasons, grounded in biblical references, suggesting Jacob could have taken a different path.

1. Forgiveness Reflects God’s Character

• By cursing Reuben, Jacob locked his son into a legacy of shame without offering a chance for restoration, which contrasts with God’s nature of mercy and forgiveness. Scripture repeatedly emphasizes forgiveness as a divine trait humans should emulate.
• In Colossians 3:13, Paul writes, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Jacob, as a patriarch blessed by God, might have modeled this by forgiving Reuben’s sin with Bilhah, showing grace instead of condemnation.
• Reuben’s act was an abomination, but Jacob’s curse ensured his punishment echoed through generations. Forgiveness could have acknowledged the wrong while opening a door for Reuben to grow beyond it, aligning with God’s redemptive heart.

2. Vengeance Belongs to God, Not Man

• Jacob’s curse feels like a personal judgment, taking retribution into his own hands rather than trusting God to deal with Reuben’s sin. Scripture cautions against humans assuming the role of divine judge.
• Romans 12:19 says, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (quoting Deuteronomy 32:35). Jacob’s pronouncement—“you shall not have pre-eminence”—reads like a father settling a score rather than letting God determine Reuben’s fate.
• By leaving vengeance to God, Jacob could have avoided tainting his final blessing with bitterness. God might have disciplined Reuben in His own way, perhaps with a lighter hand or a chance for repentance.

3. Curses Can Overstep Human Authority

• Jacob’s words carried prophetic weight, shaping Reuben’s tribe forever, but human curses risk overreaching into God’s domain. The Bible suggests blessings, not curses, should flow from those in covenant with God—unless explicitly directed by Him.
• James 3:9-10 warns, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” Jacob’s curse, spoken in his final moments of blessing, mixes divine insight with personal grievance, muddying his role as patriarch.
• Instead of cursing Reuben, Jacob could have corrected him with truth—“you defiled my bed”—and left the outcome to God, preserving the sanctity of his blessing while still acknowledging the sin.

4. Restoration Strengthens Families

• Jacob’s curse fractured the family legacy, sidelining Reuben and amplifying division among the tribes. Forgiveness or a milder rebuke could have fostered healing, showing the power of reconciliation over retribution.
• Ephesians 4:32 urges, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Jacob had seen God restore him after his own failings (e.g., deceiving Isaac, Genesis 27), yet he didn’t extend that grace to Reuben.
• By forgiving Reuben or at least tempering the curse, Jacob might have strengthened family unity, giving Reuben a chance to lead with humility rather than consigning him to instability. The tribes might have benefited from a less fragmented foundation.

5. God Can Redeem Even Grave Sins

• Reuben’s sin with Bilhah was serious, but scripture shows God redeeming worse offenders when repentance is present. Jacob’s curse assumes Reuben is beyond change, which underestimates God’s transformative power.
• Look at David in 2 Samuel 11-12: after adultery with Bathsheba and murdering Uriah, David repents, and God spares him, calling him “a man after my own heart” (Acts 13:22). Reuben’s story lacks evidence of repentance, but Jacob doesn’t seem to seek it either—he just condemns.
• Had Jacob forgiven Reuben or left room for God’s justice, he might have invited a redemptive arc. God could have worked through Reuben’s brokenness, as He did with others, rather than letting a human curse seal his fate.

 

Why Jacob’s Curse Might Have Been a Bad Idea

Jacob’s curse was not baseless—Reuben’s act was a betrayal—but it locked in a punishment that bypassed mercy and divine prerogative. The Bible does not show Jacob wrestling with this decision or seeking God’s guidance on it, unlike his earlier life (e.g., Genesis 32:24-30). It feels impulsive, echoing Reuben’s own flaw of instability, and it contrasts with the patience God showed Jacob through his own misdeeds (like deceiving his own father)). By cursing Reuben, Jacob may have short-circuited a chance for growth or divine correction, burdening his son’s lineage when he could have trusted God to handle it.

Forgiveness would not have erased Reuben’s sin, but it might have mirrored God’s grace, left room for His justice, and kept the family’s story leaning toward hope rather than division. Jacob, of all people, knew God could turn messes into blessings—maybe he should have given Reuben that same shot.

 

Osoria Hilary Asibor